I shouldn't feel like I have to censor myself in my own blog, but of course I have to. I'm married! Wheeeee! Screw being honest and real and expecting someone else to love you, judgment-free, just as you are. Like an idiot, I always seem to forget the working description of love, which is far different from the poetic description. Let me see if I can re-learn this now....


Love is ownership.
You now belong, slave-like, to another person. You have the right to be yelled at, put down, condescended, given ultimatums, the cold shoulder, etc. when you dare to defy your owner's expectations of you.

Love is parasitic.
Love feasts on everything you think & want & have that is yours and only yours. You are no longer a person with unique thoughts and feelings and dreams. You are half of a pair. And don't you forget it.

Love is misleading.
Just because someone acts okay, says they are okay, and appear to actually be okay for the moment doesn't mean they are, in fact, okay. Expect explosive repurcussions at the most inappropriate times for either your (1) lapses in behavior, often which have nothing at all to do with your partner (2) patterns of thinking that happen to conflict with your partner's thinking patterns or (3) if the wind blows the wrong direction.

Love is unchanging.
And so you must be, too. Any fluctuation of the needs, wants, and heart are completely unacceptable to someone in love and will be met with hurt feelings, threats, and heroic measures of guilt-eliciting. It doesn't matter at what age you met and how long you live, you must remain forever exactly the same in presence and mind until the day you draw your last breath unless (of course) your partner wants you to change. In that instance, refer to definition #1.


I am aware that I'm not an obedient person.
I am aware that my mental issues & strong personality make me a nightmare to live with. I am aware that my owner/husband does nothing wrong and that everything is my fault. I am aware of how hurtful, and selfish, and irresponsible I am. I am aware that I expect too much and give too little. Now that I've admitted many (but not all, I'm sure) of my shortcomings and have said nothing personally attacking my owner/husband, I wonder whether or not he will still try to "make me" delete this post. I am wondering, if he does attempt to force my hand, whether I will cave like a good little wifey should and pretend (before all 5 people who read this damn blog) that I don't have any dissenting feelings about the way my home life has been running for the last several months. I guess we'll see....