I am happy to report that I am feeling a little bit better.

My brain isn't trembling inside my skull as much as it was, and I've been able to hold conversations without having to concentrate with all my might on what is being said. I am still engaging in strange behaviors behind closed doors, but I've been able to keep my quirks under lock and key so everyone doesn't see and think I'm off my rocker. I am a professional at maintaining a public face and a seperate, more private face.

Right now I'm listening to TV on the Radio's "Dear Science" and thinking about several tough situations that people I care about are dealing with right now. All around this past year has been a strange period of time for almost everyone I know. So much struggle and discontent. Even some of my friends from church (for whom nothing EVER seems to go wrong) are shoving 2008 away with glee and eagerly hoping that 2009 will be a kinder year.

I am in good health.
We have food, running water, and heat.
I have people who love me (a few of them, anyway.)
These are the foundations of contentment, all present and accounted for. I will spend the next year continuing to tell myself that I should be content and, because I just can never seem to get there, feeling like shit about myself. This is what I did last year, and the year before, and the year before, and the year before....etc.